It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my
farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased
you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting
in which I beat him up we keep on meeting and beating each other up at the
fence. That only lasted for a little while though.
We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together, I
would tell him all my secrets. He was quite very quiet he would just listen to
what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about
everything. In school we had separate friend but when we got home we would
always talk about what happened in school.
One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He
just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of
encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him
as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I
liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda
thing that I was feeling. All through high school and even through graduation
we were always together and of course I thought of it as being friends.
But I know deep inside that different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him.
That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that
I wanted to see him.
Well that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with
him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he
was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what
his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down.
He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to
tell him my dream and cuddle next to him. I went home hurting because I
didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him
but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that
someday I would tell him just how I felt.
All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him.
After graduation he got a job in New York I was happy for him but at the
same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him
how I felt.
But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So
I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried my eyes
out.
I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.
Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer
analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter
with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the
same time.
Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.
I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big
church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course
him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what
should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it
was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy
covering up my sadness and tears inside of me. I left New York feeling that
I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he cam running out of
nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me.
I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York.
I had to go on with my life.
As the years went on we wrote to each other on what was going on and how
he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at
all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long
time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything
seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said meet me at the
fence where we used to talk about things.
I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken hearted
and sad inside. WE hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore. Then he told me
about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until
he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and
laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all
of this I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed
he had fun and forgot about all his problems and his divorce. I fell in love
again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went
to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me
every time he could get a vacation.
I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. I figured that he
might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about
it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The Lawyer said
that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took
this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked
about what took place.
Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken hearted. I cried
that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions what did
this happen to a kind guy like him?
I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will.
Ofcourse, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got
to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me
how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would
always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night
at their wedding.
When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary.
It was a diary if his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what
to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California.
As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together.
I started reading the diary and what was written.
The diary was started the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry.
The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I
was broken hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt.
That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he
wanted to tell me so many times but was too afraid to say anything, It told of
when he went to New York and fell in love with another.
How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the
wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy
till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his
life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended
when it said "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was
killed.
The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.
Tell the person you care, like or love how you feel….before it's too late…..
Love doesn't make the world go around.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
